My Doctor is insistent on being thorough; you know always doing my bloodwork, running test, on and on. So far, I have been able to skirt by with no incidents. She also asks the regular questions like, do you drink alcohol. For 20 years, I have told my Doctor that I do not drink. So imagine her surprise when my liver enzymes came back elevated. Brad told me I was busted.
So she had me do my bloodwork one more time to see if they were still elevated, and since I was still drinking and eating lots of carbs and fat, the blood work looked the same. Because she is a good doctor, she sent me for a heart scan. No one told me that I had to hold my breath up to 45 seconds at different times during the scan. I mean, who goes around holding their breath? Must be the same people who walk around sucking in their stomachs. So I was not a very compliant breath holder, and my scan lady was not very nice about it. The results came back and everything to me looked just fine. Then my pesky Doctor called and said there was a shadow on my liver, and I would need a liver scan.
I spent the next few nights in a panic. I told Brad OMG this Doctor knows I drink alcohol, and she is bound and determined to make me stop. So I made a promise to Brad and myself that I would give up the juice.
I get my live scan, which was really an ultrasound with a young, male tech and I was wearing a dress because I don't know - NO ONE TOLD ME WHAT I NEEDED TO DO OR WEAR. I laid on the table, and the young boy asked if what I was wearing was a dress, and seriously the look of the agony of his face was priceless. I told him indeed it was, and he would have to either slowly undress me or pull up my dress, but I assured him I was wearing undergarments so all would be safe. I must say I felt like a 20-year-old as he tried to maneuver my dress over my hips, but no worries because I at least winked at him. By this time, we were besties, and I told him my Doctor thinks I am a drunk to which he laughed and said, binge drinking is the worse, and I said BINGO.
I left the ultrasound feeling pretty darn good, and I was committed to reducing my drinking then a few hours later my Doctor's office called to schedule a meeting for the next morning to discuss the scan, and I panicked. After I grabbed a bottle of gin, I asked for the Doctor's office to send me the report because I wanted to put my radiology degree from Google University to use. After I read the report, I told Brad that I have liver cancer.
When I had my teledoc appointment the next day, my Doctor was pretty upbeat, and I thought it was odd, but maybe that is the best approach when handing out bad news to patients. She starts discussing the scan and says she is ordering me an MRI for my gallstone. I was like OK, but what about the liver cancer? She was incredulous at my self-diagnosis and said you have a benign liver cyst.
So off I went to the MRI better prepared, but still not fully prepared. I still had to hold my breath through the process, but nothing over 20 seconds, so I was solid, and I did practice the night before just in case. I also brought my gravity sleep mask since I have a little claustrophobia, and it worked like a dream. BUT ladies and gentlemen, if I had worn a sports bra and a skirt with no zippers, I could have kept my clothes on, but I am ready for the next scan whatever it may be!
Stay tuned - if I need a cholecystectomy, I will make sure to make you part of the journey.