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The Truth About Conferences

I attended a workshop in Denver for my job and there is a reason I was never a very good student ... I cannot be talked at for hours upon hours. The droning is like a white noise that makes me sleep. The speaker either needs to be brief or a standup comedian.

I consider myself a seat guru. I am strategic while choosing my seat location. My seat needs to be close to the exit where limited people can see my computer screen. Afterall, a woman needs her Facebook and emails. For you novice seat selectors, the perfect seat is the last/back row and preferably on the outside aisle.

The seating is crucial because it allows me to sneak out when I start hearing blah, blah. I can entertain myself by looking at computer screens in front of me ... I saw one woman shopping ... my BFF, Tyler, told me she was buying cookies. Obviously, Tyler likes to observe other people’s computer screens just like me, God Bless the people that offer us this free entertainment. When I am really at my breaking point, I get to assess everyone's hair, clothing and accessories.

The best part of conferences are networking and my new bestie, Tyler, is a sweetheart. We went out to dinner with two other people when Tyler went off to the men's room and I decided to visit the women's room. I do not understand why establishments try to be cute with fancy bathroom pictures making their customers painstakingly determine whether it is a man or woman's picture. Seriously, I almost pee my pants trying to decide which room is which. I am sure it does not help that after several margaritas, I cannot distinguish between the sexes. I walked in on my new bestie while he was at the urinal; however, since he is Canadian he was too kind to say anything; although, he did confirm at the table he saw me walk in and out at the horror of our dinner mates.

Conferences are dangerous especially if I am attending.

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