All I want for Christmas is a wife.
I love Brad and he is my best friend. I am not saying I need a wife, but I sure would like a wife just like I do not need a pair on Manolo Blahnik, but it sure would be nice to have a pair.
I am fortunate Brad grocery shops and makes me dinner every night. I told him on the way home from work last night if I had to cook, we would be eating scrambled eggs. BUT and this is a big but, I spend an enormous amount of time picking and cleaning up after Brad.
Mag and I finished baking the Christmas cookies this past weekend. We reduced our cookie list from 20 types to 12 types so it only took two weekends. I freeze the cookies until Christmas Eve while Brad and I (and guests) nibble on cookies each night with a glass of whiskey. When Mag left and I was cleaning up, I realized I was picking up shoes, socks, glasses, eyeglasses and other odds and ends that belong to Brad. As I was picking up I was thinking gosh it would be nice if I had a wife picking up after me and put my things away.
Brad and I have an agreement that he cooks and I clean up after our meal. Oh my LORD, cleaning up after he cooks is an all-night affair requiring rubber gloves. I started thinking I can make dinners. How hard would it be to buy eggs and make scrambled eggs? Clean up would be a cinch.
Brad gets annoyed when he cannot find a Tupperware lid which is merely his way of asking me to immediately come to the kitchen and take over the task. I bet my new wife will do a better job at tracking Tupperware and lids.
I am very excited to ask my wife where everything is in the house even when asked where the ketchup is while staring at it.
The new wife will also be the liaison between parents and children. I am sure she will know every move our children make and the reason they do stupid things because I sure don't.
Plus the new wife will ace the social calendar keeping us on task while convincing Brad why socializing is a better alternative to eating cookies each night. Unlocking the door, getting in a car and meeting people is a fun activity.
I should be at liberty to trade my new wife in for a younger model.