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Why do I Torture Myself and Others with Tennis?

If you know me or read my blog, you know I love to play tennis. Before you get all like I thought you do not like to exercise - I don't. I play doubles. I take my solid square on the court and expect my double's partner to get all the other balls. Ask the girl in the green skirt in the middle of this photo since she is one of my three partners. My partners are required to do lots of running and I have been on a losing streak; therefore, I have to rotate my partners.

I shit you not, I cannot win a tennis match even if I broke my opponent's legs which now that I think about it may be a good strategy ... hello Tanya? My team knows the best part of my game is drinking beer afterwards ... for a visual, look at my August 9th weight gain/loss section. That photo is from one of my mixed double matches. I absolutely ace Après Tennis.

My tennis skirts reflect my weight gain or loss. When I lose weight, I can wear a skirt with ruffles and when I gain weight I wear what looks like a tube top shimmied over my hips. I lived in tennis clothes until the one fateful day I decided to volunteer,

I must have lost whatever mind I had left when I decided to volunteer as an elderly companion. I passed the interview and training class with flying colors. I was like a Mormon on a mission as I quickly set up a meet and greet with my special elderly lady. After my tennis match, I hurried over to meet my elderly lady where the husband warmly greeted me and took me into his wife's bedroom. It was love at first sight - she was on the phone arguing about something while dressed in an animal print caftan, a plush turbon and fuzzy slippers - that was until she got off the phone. She berated me on who I was and why I was there, I thought it was best for me to be on my way. I thanked her for her time and I stood up to leave. She yelled (this is no lie), "My God you are a BIG girl". Then she proceeded to wave her hands like a wizard over my lady parts and then towards my knees and told me, "Good Lord cover that up". True be dat, my knees were exposed and I guess the tube top skirt did not provide adequate coverage for my lady parts?

Lesson learned - Now I go home after tennis matches and drills to change into something Amish inspired to cover my knees and lady parts. I thought it would also be best for me to ban giving back to the community for the time being. BUT I am keeping my tennis partners and they just need to up their game or hit a few opponent knees with a pipe.

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